


Marauder Loser

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Betrayal, Broadway, Bullying, Comedy, Filk, First War with Voldemort, Friendship, Gen, Grease References, Inspired by Music, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Musical References, Musicals, Parody, Recruitment, Singing, Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 03:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3366092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After graduating Hogwarts,  Peter Pettigrew is haunted by visions of his inadequacy from his best friends and Lord Voldemort. A song filk to "Beauty School Dropout" from the musical Grease.</p><p>Marauder loser<br/>Getting in our group was a joke<br/>Marauder loser<br/>You're not the most alluring bloke<br/>Don't you realize that you're quite useless<br/>And everything you muck-up?<br/>But I'll admit that you're truly blessed<br/>At being a good suck-up!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Marauder Loser

**Author's Note:**

> "Marauder Loser" filked to "Beauty School Dropout" and the Reprise from the musical Grease. Originally filked January 2006.
> 
> I used the Original Broadway Cast recording, but I believe it fits about the same if you listen to the movie version.

_SCENE: After graduating Hogwarts, Peter Pettigrew has a nightmare. Voldemort is in his dream, while some Death Eaters sing backup vocals. He himself cluelessly watches them._  
  
 **VOLDEMORT:**  
Your story's sad to tell  
You've never done that well  
There's so many important things you lack  
Could they all be there inside?  
Because you've told them to hide?  
Either way, your friends laugh behind your back...  
  
 _(Voldemort and the Death Eaters suddenly vanish, and are replaced by James, Sirius, and Remus, who start laughing at him.)_  
  
 **JAMES, SIRIUS, and REMUS:**  
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
 **JAMES:**  (with Sirius and Remus singing background vocals)  
Marauder loser  
Getting in our group was a joke  
Marauder loser  
You're not the most alluring bloke  
Don't you realize that you're quite useless  
And everything you muck-up?  
But I'll admit that you're truly blessed  
At being a good suck-up!  
  
You're fat and stupid  
Why don't you hang your head in shame?  
Even old Cupid  
Says face the facts, you're really lame!  
If you asked a girl for marriage  
She would surely point and laugh  
You're just not cool enough  
And please, go take a bath  
  
 _(The three Marauders vanish and are now replaced with Voldemort and the Death Eaters again. The Death Eaters are wearing large, shiny silver masks. Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy have their shiny masks removed.)_  
  
 **VOLDEMORT:**  (with Death Eaters singing background vocals)  
Marauder loser  
I see you really want to win  
Marauder loser  
So come here and I'll clue you in  
Though you're not that good at anything  
You can still be my servant  
No, it's not the best job life could bring  
But hello, you're a rodent!  
  
Think fast and hurry  
Even dear Snape knew what to do  
Came to me for tea  
Got our cookies and Lucius too  
While you sit and mope, you're still a dope  
But there's hope to afford  
Get off your lazy butt and come join the Dark Lord  
Ooh....  
  
 _(Over a year later, Peter is responsible for James and Lily's death and has another nightmare, to the tune of the reprise)_  
  
 **JAMES:**  
Loser, you blew it  
You've gotten me and Lily killed  
How could you do it?  
Did you think that it'd be a thrill?  
Padfoot wants you dead, he vowed and said  
"Don't even try to run"  
Might as well cry now that you've realized what you've done


End file.
